So...I'm still here...

I guess the last year or so just consumed us and I forgot to update this blog.  Since my last post I have discovered the following:

I do NOT have low progesterone.  My doctor was an idiot and the supplements she gave me actually worked as a CONTRACEPTIVE =O  Anger doesn't begin to describe how I feel about her.

Thank God I put my big girl panties on and signed up for an appointment with an RE in September.  THANK GOD.  At our first meeting, we whipped out the ultrasound machine and discovered that my right ovary was covered in Endometriosis and my left ovary was covered in cysts.  Double whammy.  PCOS and Endometriosis.  I was put on Metformin when we discovered my blood sugar was ridiculously high for a month.  A month later we took my blood sugar again and it was at a normal level and thus safe for me to schedule a laproscopy for Endometriosis removal.

11-14-13
Surgery Day

Also our 4 year anniversary :)

Everything went really well and we discovered one of my ovaries was stuck to the side of my pelvis so that was fixed.  Endo was removed from right ovary along with my endo removed from my right broad ligament.  Also we discovered my pelvis was filled with adhesions from when my appendix was removed 23 years ago.

My first two cycles after surgery, my luteal phase was only 8 days long.  My most recent one was 16 days long.  However, I've got symptoms of the endo returning (pain, large blood clots, etc.) and I'm awaiting to hear back from my RE about what comes next.

Anyways, that's the full update, I hope to do a better job from here on out!

Jolene

Things are...ok

I didn't get as many tries in to get pregnant this month but I guess anything is better than nothing.  Sorry I haven't been updating, I've been trying to keep myself occupied so I'm not obsessing for yet another month.  :-\  Ovulation day is today and I start the prometrium soon.  Here's hoping it doesn't drive me completely batty!

Life is unfair...

Well go figure, another BFP in my life, it’s all I can take to not punch something. How is it that someone on their first try who screws up tracking their ovulation can get pregnant so so easily and it’s taking me what seems like forever and I do everything right! It’s so unfair : ( And I know those of you reading this that have also suffered from infertility at one point in time will tell me I just need to be positive. Well I’m not there yet so just lay off. If anything, this is the biggest stressor for me right now. Not being able to talk to my friends about how I’m feeling without having my feelings discounted. Now I understand why some woman never say anything to others and that is so frustrating. Oh, and I only have 2 opk sticks left and have yet to ov so that’s fucking awesome and this morning I scraped about a foot of ice off my car only to start it and the stupid battery was dead! If the universe had a face, I would slap it.

Crappy Days :(

What a crappy day. Actually the last few days have been really crappy. I’ve been so crabby and irritable it’s not even funny. Of course I’ve been taking it out on DH and DS : ( The only thing I can think of is that my progesterone has just dipped really low this cycle before ovulation starts which SUCKS! Hopefully I can be pregnant sooner than later so the crabbiness will just magically float away (HAH yeah RIGHT!)

Who I Am...

The truth is that a lot of the time I’m frustrated, angry, bitter and jealous. And it sucks. There’s no way around it. DH and I have been TTC for over a year now and still have nothing to show for it. I’ve been to see a doctor to get fertility testing done and everything is fine aside from having some low progesterone. This month I’ll be taking progesterone supplements in the hopes that that does the trick but to be honest I’m not getting my hopes up just to be disappointed for the millionth time. We do everything we are supposed to. We chart, use OPKs, BD EOD, etc. And if you tell me I just need to relax, I swear I will punch you in the face. The hardest part is that we KNOW we can get pregnant because we have done it before. I know people with secondary infertility get the short end of the stick in terms of sympathy but it is HARD. And people who suffer from SI are just as entitled to their feelings as those with primary infertility. I’m not going to go there and say that one has it harder than the other. Just not going there. If you have PI and find my blog offensive, well…you know where the door is. Also, fair warning: I will be talking about my 2 year old son on here. So anyways, if you’ve stumbled onto my page, welcome! I hope anything I post might be useful or at the very least entertaining. I try very hard to keep a sense of humor about all of this. If I didn’t, I might totally lose my mind. I’m only 75% to that point right now.